Monday, January 23, 2006
8:30 PM
Being and learning to be independent is one of the hardest and toughest lesson in my life.
Such a long word, but with such a strong stand. It is really that hard.
It never fails to weigh me down, through all these stormy times. But the hardest thing being independent, is to be able to cover up all those storms with a brave front. A front that is that strong, that only those close by could see through those thick layers and smiles.
It is harder when you have to face it all alone. Like a warrior going through another gruesome battle that has to be fought, because the battle is there, and you can't turn away from whats in front of you, and what has been "planned"
The cracks are showing inside, slowly bursting and withering. It is that deadly.
These burdens I have now, is weighing heavier and heavier and heavier and heavier. It traps you, drains you, breaks you, crashes you. No matter how many times you called for help, called for an answer, a hope, a miracle, only silence answers you.
Only you alone have to continue walking and walking even if your feet bleeds, even if the blisters are all raw and rotten, you still got to continue walking. Braving, battling.
Of course, there are times you got to take that one big breathe and try to continue again. But after that breath, its all back to the war.
Struggling, toughening, teary, disappointments, fall down millions of times.
It is tiring.
And now, the cycle has began again. Yet after each battle, there would somehow be a sweet triumph of celebration. Sadly, it never last long.
Sometimes, people got to learn to speak with reality, rather than airy and childish langs and assumptions. Never try to act as you know everything when the only part youve gone through is only 1% of that 100%. Never say you know, you heard but it goes out of the other ear. Maturity is not learnt by age. It comes when you absorbed, understood, change and accept. And never never act wise infront of a person who knows more than you do, thinking Ha she has no idea what im saying. Because trust me, When the other really speaks her mind, the only thing that you will leave the place is with embarrasment.
Also, never try to understand someone by assuming things, because half the time, what you think youve understood is basically all incorrect. To really understand someone, it comes naturally without even you trying.
Alrights, time to start another battle. Take care all, and stay healthy.
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